A New User's Guide to Escorts

What sort of women become escorts?

All sorts of women become escorts. Among others, you will meet students, housewives, women running their own business, voluntary childcare workers, IT experts, and 9-to-5 office workers. They are in the main friendly outgoing personalities who love meeting people and having sex.

Do escorts enjoy their job?

Most people change their occupations if they are unhappy in their work, and escorts are no different. Like all of us they have the occasional bad day at work, but no more so than any one else. Many escorts get real job satisfaction from their work, and find the combination of money, flexible hours and the social aspect very enjoyable. It can be quite a kick to put a lasting smile on a clients face and impart an enduring memory, although some may be bending the truth a little when they tell you they enjoy the sex as much as you do.

I've heard that all escorts despise their clients. Is this true?

No. They would not last very long in the profession if they did. Many of them, however, do prefer to keep clients at a respectful distance and not become too closely involved with them.

Do escorts have orgasms?

Yes. You might be surprised how many (when handled with TLC) can be brought to a shattering orgasm even by an ugly old goat like you.

Are all men who book escorts sad, lonely losers?

Not at all. A very wide variety of men book escorts for a wide variety of reasons. Some are men who simply want carefree sex without any emotional entanglements, whilst some are married men who no longer get any sex at home. Others just want a quiet place to relax, talk, and have sex with someone friendly and sympathetic, away from the hassles of work and family life.

It's my first time - what should I do?

Tell the escort at the time of booking that this is your first time - she'll know what to expect. Remember, this may be your first time, but it's almost certainly not hers, so trust her to look after you. If the lady isn't too busy, it's often possible to exchange a few emails and build up a bit of a rapport before you arrive.

And even if you're too nervous to speak, then smile and tell her you're nervous so she knows you're feeling shy and not a psychopath!

I'm booking my first appointment - how much time will I need?

At least one hour, and preferably two if you can afford it. You'll need some time to begin with to chat with the lady and get over your nerves, and you'll be surprised how quickly the rest of the time goes when you're having fun.

I'm nervous that I won't be able to "perform"

It's your time - there's no pressure on you to do anything in particular. Try not to build up a detailed scenario in advance, and just go with the flow when you get there.

I'm no longer a contender for Mr Universe - will this matter?

No. Escorts see men of all ages, shapes and sizes. It's the content  which counts, not the packaging - if you're clean, friendly, and respectful and come along with your sense of humour engaged, you'll make her day whatever you look like.

How do I choose an escort?

Look for someone who appeals to you physically and who offers the services you want. Read the FRs, especially those of experienced punters, and try to find someone who you think would be fun to be with. Read the various message boards, visit the various chat rooms, either may give you an idea of the ladies character and may give you the chance to build up a rapport.

Should I phone or E-mail?

Many ladies ask for the initial approach to be via E-mail, some prefer telephone contact, and others are happy with either method. You should always respect the lady's wishes if she has any, which are usually made clear on her website. If you phone, it may be easier if you have written some notes for yourself, so you remember to ask all the questions you may have.

If you do phone, be aware that that you might catch her in the queue at Tesco's, in which case she might not be able to discuss the intimate details of her services with you immediately. If you send an email, remember that email is not always instant and the reply may be delayed, especially if she is away from her computer for a few days touring. Have patience, and give as much notice as possible, as although it is possible to book an escort with only an hour or twos notice, a week or even two is much better in reality.

Note that most escorts will not accept phone calls from number withheld phones, these generally include your office phone if it goes through any kind of company exchange.

What should I say on the phone / in my E-mail?

Tell the lady how she came to your attention. Say you might like to meet her, and suggest an appointment date and length. Ask any relevant questions which are not already answered on her website or in her FRs. Nothing is more calculated to annoy than asking a lady if she provides this or that service when she has already made it clear that she does not!

And remember - "I find you rather attractive" is a better opener than "I'd like to shag your arse off!".

What sort of details about me will she need to be sure of her security?

Escorts take their security extremely seriously (for good reasons), and will need some way of identifying you. Please respect that and be prepared to provide something checkable, such as the name you used to make the hotel reservation, your home phone number/address, or your car registration number. The escort won't retain these details after the appointment, and she won't call you on any number you give her unless requested to, but she needs to be secure and she needs to be able to check you out.

If you're going to see her (an 'incall' appointment), she may give you an approximate address and ask you to phone when you get there. Sometimes she will be taking a look at you as you do this - and of course it means she can open the door in a glamorous outfit without the risk of over-exciting the postman.

I'd like CIM, 'A' etc.

If they are on offer, no problem. If they are specifically excluded, don't even ask. Only if it is not entirely clear what is or is not on offer should you even think about asking!

If you're phoning an agency, please let them know at the start of your call what's important to you so that they can give you their best. If you make your requirements clear to start with, there's less chance that you'll end up with someone who isn't going to fit your bill, so to speak.

Are fees negotiable?

As a rule no way, and to ask is to offend. From time to time escorts do announce specials on various message boards or on their own site, so look out for bargains. If you're making a very long booking e.g. a weekend or a trip overseas, the fee may be negotiable, but haggling generally isn't welcomed.

Can I pay by cheque?

Very few escorts will accept this method of payment unless the cheque is presented and cleared well in advance of the appointment. Credit card payments are also usually discouraged. This is one industry in which cash payments are the norm.

When should I pay?

Ideally , offer payment at the start of an appointment before being asked. Pop the money in a plain envelope (or even inside a nice card) and present this to the escort within the first 5 minutes of the appointment. You should instigate this, it's a little rude to wait to be asked.

Should I tell an escort my real name?

Why not? After all, she is probably going to find out if you use a false one when she does her security check. However if you are determined not to use your real name, then tell her up front that it isn't your real name, but remember, she has to have some security. If she is visiting you in your hotel room, you will need to give her the name you've checked in with.

Will she phone me at home?

To minimise any risks don't give out a home number unless it's necessary. If you're booking a home visit and your number is needed then make it clear to her if she can't phone you. Bear in mind most ladies will not make a home visit unless they can call you and make sure you're on the number you've given them.

How do I book a hotel without the charge showing up on my credit card?

Book the hotel using your credit card for room guarantee purposes, but settle the account in cash or by cheque when you leave. The hotel won't actually try to bill your credit card until you check out. Remember to have the cash for both the hotel and the escort

How can I book a hotel for an afternoon?

Most hotels couldn't care less when you check in and out. Just book one and check out when you're finished.

What should I do if I don't feel well on the day of an appointment?

Phone and cancel as soon as possible. If the escort cannot be reached, text her phone and email her, then try phoning again. Time wasters are the bane of an escort's life, so they do appreciate being advised if you cannot make it.

Do I need to confirm the appointment on the day?

Most escorts prefer it if you do, and many ladies have specific rules on this. Some even consider the appointment cancelled if confirmation is not received by a certain time beforehand. If the lady has no specific rules, an email on the day to confirm that you are coming will be much appreciated.

Should I bring a present?

This isn't required on a first appointment. On the other hand, if you do want to bring something, it will usually be appreciated. It doesn't have to be expensive - wine, chocolates or flowers are safest if you don't know much about the lady. Even if she hates them, she will accept them with good grace and pass them on to somebody who will enjoy them.

How do I treat an escort?

With respect, as you would any other fellow human being. As with all human interactions, if you are warm, friendly and gracious, you are likely to get a better result.

What do escorts most appreciate in clients?

Above all cleanliness and respect. Honesty and a sense of humour also help.

What will happen during the appointment?

Let the lady know what you enjoy and what sort of experience you'd like - remember that she wants you to have a good time. And if what you really enjoy is being smothered in custard and wrapped in clingfilm, be sure to let her know - she probably won't be surprised, but she may need to buy that extra tin of custard powder!

What are the best ways to have a wonderful time with an escort?

A friendly and open-minded attitude, and a good sense of humour always help.

You will either have a pleasant time, or "click" with the lady and have a wonderful time. You can't predict chemistry but you can have an enjoyable time either way.

Do escorts become friends with their clients?

Some do and some don't. Don't book an appointment with the hope you will become friends. That's not fair on the lady as she isn't selling her friendship - book for the fun. If the relationship does turn into a friendship at some later stage, that's a bonus, but don't expect it.

It's a bit like a work friendship - if you 'click' with a lady, you may well get to a stage where you're both honestly fond of each other when you get together, without ever being involved with each other's home lives. Besides, wasn't one of the reasons you booked an escort so that you could have fun without strings?

Do escorts date clients?

Some do and some don't. Again, don't book an escort with a view to anything more long-term than your appointment time, it's not fair on the lady.

What if I don't fancy her when we meet?

If the lady you meet is clearly not the one whose photograph you have seen you are under no obligation to go through with the appointment, and you should consider complaining to the agency, if there is one involved.

If it's just a case of you not finding the lady to your taste, apologise within the first 5 minutes, say you are unable to go through with the appointment and offer to pay something for wasting her time (say, £50), plus the lady's travelling expenses if she's come to see you (an 'outcall' appointment). Frankly, if you find yourself in this situation, much of the time you will be the one to blame for not doing your research thoroughly enough.

One thing to remember, though, is that you're not booking a model for a photography session, but someone who is prepared to have a good time with you in the bedroom. Even if you think she may never make the front cover of Vogue, she's likely to be great fun to be with  - and dynamite in bed. Which is what you're paying for, isn't it?

What will happen when we meet?

After settling the financial side of things [sometimes even before], you might consider offering the lady a drink, be it wine, soft drink or even a cup of tea. That and a few minutes' chat usually helps to break the ice, especially if you are meeting the lady for the first time. Don't get carried away with the social chit-chat, though: remember that you are paying for the lady's time and the clock starts ticking as soon as the door opens!

I think I'm in love!

Take a cold shower first! If you still feel the same afterwards, consider that even if she thinks you're a sweet kind of guy, her priorities are likely to be: husband, children, dog, house, extended family, best friend at school, best friend now, the neighbours, and the vacuum cleaner ... and then you.

If you're still keen on the idea of seeing her outside of work then firstly make sure you can handle a relationship with a lady who takes money for sex and company and secondly just email/call and ask her out. Just don't be surprised if she says no!

Relationships between escorts and clients do happen, though, sometimes successfully, sometimes not, just like relationships everywhere else.
 

Contributors

Many people have contributed to this FAQ, for which I'm very grateful. The original questions were posed by me, but the content by and large has been generously supplied by others. I'd like to say a particular thank you to doings from puntingzone loudestmouth, Emma Demontford and Warmtouch for their help.

Copyright (c) 2002 hornblowr All rights reserved. You may link to and copy this page, provided that it is not modified and in particular that the details of the contributors and maintainer are preserved.